In 2003 Psychologist Sanjay Srivastava and his colleagues assessed the "Big Five" personality traits of more than 130,000 participants aged 21 to 60. What they discovered is that openness, the personality trait linked to a person's willingness to make change, increases modestly in people up to the age of 30. After that it begins a slow decline.
Things outside our normal range of experience become increasingly less attractive. Brain researcher Gerhard Roth summed it up best when he said, "Holding to the tried and true gives us a feeling of security, safety, and competence while at the same time reducing our fear of the future and of failure."
In other words we fall into a rut and we're content there, no matter what we say. In fact, the more we insist we can change, the more likely it is we'll ultimately fail. It's called the "false hope syndrome." Here's how it works.
We wake up New Years day and resolve that this is the year we're going to start exercising. That's good. The problem happens with the overblown expectations that are developing in the back of our mind. Exercise is good, but thinking that exercise will get us a better job, help us meet our true love or make us more popular is a fantasy.
The reality is, exercise is hard. Even if we work out regularly for a month or two, the rest of our life may stay the same. Facing that disappointment is what causes many people to quit.
So how do people successfully change? Psychologists have identified two primary ways.
The first is through a traumatic event. The death of a loved one, a life threatening illness, the beginning or end of a relationship, a change in jobs, natural catastrophe or a move are all things that shake people out of their comfort zone. People who survive are able to redefine themselves and make significant changes.
Of course sitting around waiting for a traumatic event to happen so you can get in shape isn't a plan.
The second way people successfully change their lives is through small steps. There are just too many habits to break all at once for most people to make a big resolution stick. But if we decide to make just one change, our chances for success rise dramatically. Here's how.
Instead of resolving to eat only healthy food from now on, start small. Promise you'll eat at least two servings of vegetables every day for a month, or you'll walk 15 minutes after dinner, or you'll switch from whole milk to fat free. Choose one small thing and that's it. It works because we're less likely to pin false hopes of getting the perfect body because we're eating more broccoli.
Then, once each month choose a new small thing to improve. Over time, all those small changes start to seriously add up. What small change will you make?
